Abilify = Amazing!

What will it take to finally know what a "happy medium" feels like? Hence the phrase, "Whatever it takes." ?. I am determined.

Just Glad

Just glad to have internet and to be able to blog without limit of characters. There is a lot of catching up to do on here. In the meantime, it's late and past time for bed. Splurged and made it a late night (not my favorite thing). Goodnight and peace to everyone.

"We have little or no control over our circumstances, but we have 100% control over how we will respond."- Kay Yow

"Try to see yourself as others see you,if you don't like what you see,do something about it."-A Thousand Paths to Tranquility, by David Baird

Taking On The Shower

There's nothing like a nice refreshing shower, right? Maybe for you that stands true. For me, it's been a nightmare for a while now. There's just something about that dagone showerhead! It's not getting the shower that is the issue in mind, but it's about seeing the water spraying out before getting in and the initial hitting of the water.             

I hate feeling unclean. No other yucky feeling like it. I really don't mind getting dirt on me or even car/truck grease, (as long as I can wash it off as soon as I'm done playing in the dirt or doing whatever w/my vehichle),but, of course NO FOOD on my fingers or hands. Crossing that bridge later. Anyways,
when I turn the shower on (it has the standard showerhead), I feel agitated and anxious when I open the curtain to get in and I see the spraying water. I swear that water is not streaming out evenly. I can see it and once I've talked myself into conquer stepping in, the initial hit of the water on me , I feel like screaming angrily because I can feel the un-evenness (sp?) of the water. After the first several seconds (which can feel like minutes) pass, I feel just peachy and proceed with my shower, no problemo.

For those who have never experienced water phobias or even "little" water issues, to those of us who have and/or do, this can be excruciating, nauseating, and make a person want to whip out their temper for protection from these emotions. (Note: I speak for me, for some people, BUT NOT ALL who have these phobias and/or issues.)

I've tried to understand "Why?" this bothers me so incredibly much, or at all. I have sat in thought, going back to my childhood even, and I have found nothing "in hiding" that brings me to this place with the shower. Thinking how this makes no sense at all to me, I went back again still to find nothing in the past that leads to this point.

So, here I am presenting this and already have begun working on overcoming taking on tackling the process of stepping in the shower. I started about a week and a half ago working at it using positive self-talk in order to coach myself in thinking more optimistic about it. Then, someone of credentials suggested "taking the bull by the horns" by not allowing myself the time to think about it; just turn on the water, set the temp, get ready, and get right in. Easier said than done AND slowly proving to be of great help and use. I thought about buying and installing a showerhead that has the "swirly" water setting and putting it on that mode to stay; that way I can't tell whether or not it's uneven since there are no straight streams. I decided against it. Why spend money on something like that just to mask or keep from dealing with the underlying unknown.

I've decided that I  am determmined that this darn "bull" is not going to wrestle me (myself) around like this anymore. So, the plan is shower two times a day- morning and night, Everyday, until this practice, practice, practice of boldy stepping in has created a new nueral pathway that is clear and makes it easy as apple pie to get in the shower.  Yes, I will tackle this and victor. I'll keep an update on this one.

Peace

HALLELUJAH!!! "No Counting Required"

It is humbleness and great happiness that I can blog

this. Last night at work, I approached the automatic sensored door at which I always count the carpet squares back from the door to four and a half, then step on the fourth one, where the sensor picks up to open the door. Last night, as I was doing my normal routine, I looked up and was suprised to see the door right in front of me, at less than arms length. I stood there for a minute in awe, realizing that I hadn't counted the carpet squares, but had walked right up to the door as if that's what I always did. It's "been a minute" since I felt the need to count the carpet squares on the one long hallway, or the steps before the landings and I'm not sure why those four and a half squares were still a hang-up for me.    There is no way to describe the exact feelings this counting always brings to my stomache, AND, what I can tell you is that I am grateful that I didn't experience that awful feeling last night.                                                                  

While this may not seem huge to you , it is a "humongacowabonga" to me and I am filled with happiness about it. This speaks volumes to me that I am on a good path to not only accomplishment, but overcoming and victory, as well. In blogging this, I will not end without giving kudos to myself and ALL of the glory to God for this accomplishment.  I KNOW, without a doubt, there is way more to come. Thank you, Father.

Love